New Year, New Me III

Part Three: Letting go & Opening up

In an infinite universe all different realities are possible. We create our own reality. We accumulate thoughts and memories throughout the years and we become identified with them, to a point where our true selves get covered up and forgotten about. When we succeed in letting go of all that we identify with and we simultaneously open ourselves up to all possibilities, that is when the universal energies will flow through you to take you on this incredible path of discovering the limitlessness of the true self.

Self-identification structure

Like a limb was ripped off my body so was this large chunk of my self-identification structure torn away from the whole of it. At first it made me feel confused and lost. For if I lost this part of what I identified with, then how much of the rest of it was real? How much of this structure that I think I am is actually what I am? Letting go can be one of the most painful and difficult things to do. Letting go means we confront what is there, we observe it and suffer through it, but then we can heal from the wound it leaves and eventually create a space that can be infinitely large, in which we can then open up to everything. Our human minds are so limited. We can imagine our perfect future, but all possibilities that lay outside the scope of our imagination are thereby blocked and unable to unfold. When we hold on too tightly to the reality that we have created, we become increasingly and continuously frustrated and disappointed when reality never seems to match our expectations.

From my point of view the process of letting go of what doesn’t serve us anymore is an ongoing process that can only end when we accomplish full detachment of all identification structures. I realized how convincing these structures can become in letting you believe that they are real, that you are those structures yourself. I noticed how this is not true. If I can lose such a large chunk of my identification structure, then the rest of it must also be impermanent.

Dynamics, emotions & imagination

As I am still beginning to realise this on deeper levels within myself, I have a growing determination to work towards full detachment. What has happened to me in the past couple of months is that I succeed increasingly often in letting go. Letting go of dynamics that no longer serve me, letting go of blocked energy caused by emotions that I haven’t dealt with, letting go of what I imagine my life should look like.

These old dynamics kept repeating themselves as long as I identified with them as if they were a part of me. When I let go of this identification that has caused me to believe that I am a victim of circumstance and when I take full responsibility for the dynamics I create within myself and in my relationship with other people, then I can become aware of them and analyse them for what they are. Then as I observe them from some distance I can say “this no longer serves me, I will let go of it and consciously open up to the infinity of possibility”. What happens then is that things will cross your path that are so full of light and growth and inspiration, that you could’ve never imagined it in your limited frame of mind. The mind that is so full of identification is shackled within itself. That mind is not free and prevents us from living our best possible lives.

I go into nature to become silent and create a space in which suppressed emotions from the past can surface. Then I cry and hold myself, supporting my own healing space with unconditional love and without judgement. It’s a safe space to open up. When those emotions have surfaced and I have faced them and provided myself with the right attention, then the blockage is released and the suppressed emotions that became a part of my identification are no longer there. This is how I detach myself from the part of the identification structure that is composed of emotional trauma. People can get so strongly identified with their pain, that sometimes letting go of that pain is more painful than the pain itself.

As I consciously practice in not engaging in my thoughts the imagination of life becomes less important and I can experience a larger spectrum of life as it is unfolding in front of me. I went to the Canary Islands for a week. Normally I would’ve been looking forward so much to a trip like that, that I would nonstop imagine what it was going to be like and get quite anxious about it having to be perfect. Now was different. I just came back from Berlin when two weeks later my friend invited me to come on this trip. All I did was buy a place ticket and go. No overthinking about it, no imagining too much or hoping I would experience certain things. What I did do in the period of time previous to the trip was continuously opening up to myself, taking time to slow down, listen to my needs and heal through self-care and self-compassion.

Open

With no expectations and an open heart I received a divine smile in the form a beautiful connection with a wonderful person. The universe wants us to live our best possible lives. It challenges us throughout our lives to keep believing that and stay open to the gifts it has to offer. It can be challenging at times to keep faith, but when we do, real magic can happen. Because it is so obvious to me now that the best possible outcome of my life happens when I let go of imaginary expectations and open up, that it has become a great joy to me to do so. It feels like a continuous leap of faith in which I need to trust the universe more than I trust my own judgement. The rewards are endless, though. Growth and love flow through my days as I let go, open up and receive all these divine gifts of life. To have found this path of letting go and opening up fills me with tremendous gratitude.

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